Funny Girl Goes Blog

Sad, but beautiful

2010-07-31T11:57:00.000-07:00

This past Thursday a former classmate suddenly passed away. Her daughter posted the following to her mother"s Facebook page.

I love you mom. I wish I knew how bad it was so I could have talked to you more,...but I know you were in little pain if any...so for that I am thankful. I will miss you greatly and hope more than ever that god is real and I'll be able to be with you again someday. Good bye and RIP.

Yes, there is a God and one day you will see your mother again.

Sunday Funny

2010-07-10T10:50:00.001-07:00

Friday Faxtoid-Dog Days Of Summer

2010-07-09T05:51:00.000-07:00

Dogs are much less efficient at cooling themselves than people, so they are more susceptible to overheating. A dog’s normal body temperature is 100-102 degrees, and they have sweat glands on their nose and pads of their paws. They pant and drink water to cool down.

Or

Your dog could do this

~~Now you know everything~~

Happy 4th Of July From Lucy and Ellie-Mae

2010-07-04T09:57:00.001-07:00

Friday Faxtoid

2010-07-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

Forth Of July Tid-bit

On June 24, 1826, Thomas Jefferson wrote a letter declining an invitation to the White House to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence. This was his last written correspondence; Thomas Jefferson died on July 4, 1826.

~~Now you know everything.~~

Sunday Funny

2010-06-27T05:18:00.000-07:00

Sunday Funny

2010-06-20T05:30:00.000-07:00

Friday Faxtoid

2010-06-18T05:20:00.000-07:00

The scientific term for the common tomato is lycopersicon lycopersicum, which mean “wolf peach.” It is a cousin of the eggplant, red pepper, ground cherry, potato, and the highly toxic belladonna, also known as the nightshade or solanaccae. There are more than 10,000 varieties of tomatoes.

The tomato is world’s most popular fruit,

~~Now you know everything~~

Wednesday Word Of The Day

2010-06-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

That's what BP said.

A variant of "that's what she said." Instead of referring to sexual connotations, it is used to refer to spending a lot of money, making a mess, or fucking up very badly. Arose after the 2010 BP oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico.

X: Oh man, I really screwed the pooch on that one.
Y: That's what BP said!

X: It's going to take me all day to clean this mess up.
Y: That's what BP said!

X: I'm paying tonight. The sky is the limit.
Y: That's what BP said!

Just looking at the picture in this post really pisses me off; Boycott BP!

Sunday Funny

2010-06-13T06:30:00.001-07:00

Friday Faxtoid

2010-06-11T05:45:00.000-07:00

My hair is the definition of "Big 80's Hair" Yes, all of that hair is mine, and I have no idea how I got it so big. People used to say that my hair was on steroids, and that it was more "buff" than Rambo and Arnold. Don't you just love the dress? I loved that dress; so pretty!

Jr. Prom, 1986

Sunday Funny

2010-05-30T11:51:00.001-07:00

Sunday Funny

2010-05-02T07:05:00.001-07:00

Friday Faxtoid

2010-04-23T07:36:00.000-07:00

Mermaids are the vampires of the sea, but instead of sucking the blood of it's victims, the mermaid sucks out the breath through a kiss.

~~Now you know everything.~~

Wednesday Word Of The Day

2010-04-21T05:51:00.000-07:00

Soap Grafting: The act of attaching an almost completely used piece of soap to an unused piece because it is too small to be used, yet you do not want to waste it.

In today's economy, and with unemployment at 10% I soap graft to save money. Soap grafting, words to live by.

Note: I don't really soap graft.

My Mama Is Beautiful!

2010-04-19T16:16:00.000-07:00

Age 15~1950

LiL' Funny Girl

2010-04-17T08:57:00.000-07:00

How come boys pee standing up, Paw-paw?

Ummm, (thinking how in the world do I answer this question?), Well, ummm. Boys stand up to pee......

Is it because boys are smelly, and gross, and have bad breath that smells like yucky feet?

Yep! That's why boys pee standing up.

Do they stand up when the need to make poop?

One more reason why I love Snoopy.

2010-04-15T06:50:00.000-07:00

Sunday Funny

2010-04-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

Friday Faxtoid

2010-04-09T06:21:00.000-07:00

In 1916, Congress deleted the word "lawfull" before the word income, making illegal income taxable.

All you hookers, pimps, drug dealers, and what nots, pay yor damn taxes!

~~Now you know everything~~

Wednesday Word Of The Day

2010-04-07T07:10:00.000-07:00

Facebook Bingo: A term used for photos that have been posted on Facebook in which there are 5 or more people, all of whom have a Facebook profile, and have accurately been tagged in the photo.

At a bar with a group of friends- Hey let's get someone to take our picture! OMG! This is gonna be an awesome Facebook bingo. More beer, please.

Note: I am not in this picture. I found it in the profile pictures of one of my FB friends.

Easter Sunday Funny

2010-04-04T06:03:00.000-07:00

Friday Faxtoid

2010-04-02T07:48:00.000-07:00

Extensive Easter Bunny studies show that when eating a chocolate Easter Bunny, the ears are the first to go.

~~Now you know everything~~

Wednesday Word Of The Day

2010-03-31T06:46:00.001-07:00

Minger: A male or female baby who fell out of the ugly tree at birth and hit every branch on the way down.

The baby was such a minger that after it's birth the nurses in the hospital put a paper bag over it's head so that it wouldn't scare the other babies.

Sunday Funny

2010-03-28T07:32:00.001-07:00

Friday Faxtoid

2010-03-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

~~Now you know everything~~

Wednesday Word Of The Day

2010-03-24T08:14:00.000-07:00

Turd burglar: When you finally find an empty public restroom to take dump so massive it requires absolute solitude for deposit.....and then someone walks in while you are making the deposit. This will most usually happen to you when you are at work.

I was right in the middle of making my morning toilet deposit when the guy from IT walked in causing my ass to hiccup and snap shut; IT guys are such turd buglars.

Sunday Funny

2010-03-21T06:01:00.001-07:00

LiL' Funny Girl

2010-03-20T07:42:00.000-07:00

Tuesday morning upon waking up Lil' Funny Girl.

Yawn, stretch, yawn. I had a bad dream. I dreamed that I was going poo-poo and there were big scary red lobsters on the floor, and there was, in a little girl scary whisper voice, bloooood, and the lobsters were interruppn my peace and quiet. I couldn't poo-poo. Mommy stepped on the red lobsters and crushed them, and there was, in little girl scary whisper voice, bloooood. Mommy used the broom to sweep the lobsters up, and threw them in the garbage. The garbageman took the lobsters to garbageland, and the lobsters were, pause for 5 seconds,...DEAD!

"Then what happened?"

"Nothing, the lobsters were, DEAD!"

Lil' Funny Girl~~4 1/2

Friday Faxtoid

2010-03-19T07:47:00.000-07:00

The word to "testify" was based on men in in the Roman court swearing to a statment by swearing on their testicles.

Wednesday Word Of The Day

2010-03-17T10:44:00.000-07:00

Tadpole-Fantasy: When a 40+ woman's dream man has a body like

and a brilliant and witty mind like

Who's your Tadpole-Fantasy?

Sunday Funny

2010-03-14T09:22:00.001-07:00

Friday Faxtoid

2010-03-12T08:43:00.001-08:00

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the English alphabet.

Wednesday Word Of The Day

2010-03-10T05:49:00.000-08:00

Snarky: Sarcasm and cynicism used in a manner to be witty.

Think Stephen Colbert and Joel Mchale.

I. AM. SORRY.

2010-03-09T06:29:00.000-08:00

I love to get comments on my blog. It makes me feel all glowie inside when I get a notification that a comment needs to me moderated. This morning, to my delight, I saw that there was one from Chrissy . I opened up the comment and OOPS!

I resently used something from Chrissy's blog on mine. Oh Gawd, did and do I feel bad. I used a picture on my blog that had been sent to me by a friend, but Chrissy used it on hers way back in early 2009. I completely forgot that she had used it, and gawwd, I feel bad.

Sunday Funny

2010-03-07T04:37:00.001-08:00

LiL' Funny Girl

2010-03-06T08:18:00.000-08:00

10:30 AM- Wednesday

Ring Ring: This is Debbie

School Secretary: Is this Debbie, Lil' Funny Girl's Grandmother?

Debbie: Yes. Is everything okay?

School Secretary: Well, no one is hurt, injured, or ill but we need you to pick up Lil" Funny Girl. She's not going to be able to finish to day here at Mother's Day Out, Church of Christ.

Debbie: Ah, okay. What happened?

School Secretary: Lil' Funny Girl is just not herself today, and it's been building for a couple of weeks now, and today the dam just broke.

Debbie: Okay, I'll be there shortly, but please tell me what happened.

School Secretary: She yelled at Ms Gayle, kicked a toy, and stomped her foot when she could not be Line Leader. She is now on time-out away from the rest of the class and has calmed down, but we feel it best if you pick her up today, and we can try again tomorrow.

Debbie: I'm on my way.

1:00PM

Lil' Funny Girl: Am I on punishment?

Me: Yes.

Lil's Funny Girl: Because I had bad manners, and was not polite to Ms. Gayle?

Me: Yes! And you were not polite to the rest of your class, or to Ms. Rene, or to Ms. Brenda. I am very disappointed in you. Nana raised you with manners; you know better. Did you lose your manners? If you did, you need to find them.

Lil' Funny Girl: Can I watch my shows?

Me: No!

Lil' Funny Girl: Is punishment, no shows?

Me: Yes.

1:20PM

Lil' Funny Girl: Can I watch my shows now?

Me: No!

2:00PM

Lil' Funny Girl: Can I please watch my shows now? I found my manners, they were in my pocket.

Me: No!

Lil' Funny Girl: For how long?

Me: Until punishment is over.

3:45PM

Lil' Funny Girl: Is punishment over?

Me: No!

Lil' Funny Girl: Gosh, punishment is a looong time.

Me: Exactly!

~~Lil' Funny Girl age 4 1/2

Friday Faxtoid

2010-03-05T07:06:00.001-08:00

Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

~~Now you know everything~~

Wednesday Word Of The Day

2010-03-03T06:02:00.000-08:00

Askhole: A person who asks many pointless, stupid, and obnoxious questions. The kind of questions that could easily be answered by doing a quick Google search.

~~Example, What year did the War of 1812 start?

Sunday Funny

2010-02-28T05:50:00.000-08:00

LiL' Funny Girl

2010-02-27T07:20:00.000-08:00

It's 8:00 AM, she opens the kitchen door to let Jazz, (Big Yellow Lab), and Co-Co, (Big Chocolate Lab), out for thier morning business, and this is the conversation that follows:

Lil' Funny Girl: "Auntie, how come Jazz and Co-Co sniff each other's butts?"

Me: (Thinking how am I going to answer this one) " Well, um, you see it's um, how a, it's how dogs say good morning and good-bye to each other."

Lil' Funny Girl: "Oh, is that how Jazz and Co-Co are polite and show good manners in the morning and when they say good-bye?"

Me: Yes, it's polite dog manners.

Later that day when I pick Lil' Funny Girl up from pre-school.

Me: 'Hi Lil Funny Girl, did you have a good day today, and did you remember to be polite, and to mind your manners?"

Lil' Funny Girl: "Yep, but when I saw Ms. Gayle this morning, I didn't sniff her butt, I just said, Good Morning Ms. Gayle."

Lil' Funny Girl~~age 4 1/2.

Friday Faxtoid

2010-02-26T09:33:00.000-08:00

In Atlanta Georgia, it is forbidden to dress a mannequin without first pulling down the window blinds.

~~Now you know everything.~~

Wednesday Word Of The Day

2010-02-24T04:59:00.000-08:00

Bitchberry: A Blackberry that is behaving badly.

~~Now you know everything~~

Sunday Funny

2010-02-21T05:51:00.001-08:00

LiL' Funny Girl

2010-02-20T05:27:00.000-08:00

As she dug through her purse, she called out, "Lil Funny Girl, Nana has your lunch money."

"Here Lil Funny Girl, when Auntie Funny Girl takes you to McDonalds today you can give the nice lady $2.00.

Pointing at Nana's purse, "Um, do you have a $20.00 in there."

Lil' Funny Girl, age 4

Friday Faxtoid

2010-02-19T04:32:00.000-08:00

Nose prints are used to identify dogs, just like humans use fingerprints.

~~Now you know everything.~~

Wednesday Word Of The Day

2010-02-17T07:27:00.000-08:00

Goboes Umps: Someone who will only use the toilet in her own home.

Where has Betty gone? She's gone home to pee. She's a goboes umps.

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T06:18:00.000-08:00

LiL' Funny Girl

2010-02-13T09:31:00.000-08:00

She approached the couch timid and unsure, but with intense curiosity. There she saw her hero, her Pa-Paw, holding her baby cousin smiling and cooing at the new bundle of bliss; a second granddaughter. She sweetly smiled at her new baby cousin, and with clarity a warning; "He's mine!"

Lil' Funny Girl at age 2 upon meeting her new cousin.

Friday Faxtoid

2010-02-12T05:57:00.000-08:00

In the 1800's chcoloate was recommended to paitents suffering from a broken heart to help calm their longing.

~~Now you know everything.~~

It's Legal As Of Today

2010-02-11T11:07:00.000-08:00

As of today, Wolfboy becomes Wolfman and thus it is now legal to lust after him.

Wednesday Word Of The Day

2010-02-10T16:12:00.001-08:00

Vampire's Lunch Box

The tin box in the lady's room used to store used tampons.

Sunday Funny

2010-02-07T06:07:00.000-08:00

Friday Faxtoid

2010-02-05T06:44:00.000-08:00

Dreamt is the only English word to end with "mt."

~~Now you know everything~~

Wednesday Word Of The Day

2010-02-03T08:42:00.000-08:00

ClobbySue: A girl who wears sloppy clothes and looks like she doesn't care.

That girl is major ClobbySue! Look at her baggy shirt!

Friday Faxtoid

2010-01-29T07:37:00.000-08:00

There's no Betty Rubble in the Flinstones Chewable Vitamins.

~~Now you know everything.~~

Sign Of The Times

2010-01-28T12:06:00.000-08:00

My WTF Cyndi Ellis Moments

2010-01-26T08:36:00.000-08:00

According to the Urban Dictionary, WTF is not an acronym for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. It is however described as a moment where something so surprising or ridiculous happens that the onlooker can only exclaim, WTF. The acronym stands for "What The Fuck,"and it's most commonly used with a question mark at the end to get a point across, such as, WTF are you doing? However, when used with a exclamation point, it becomes an exclamation of amazement, confusion or bewilderment and disbelief. Both forms are often preceded by "dude". Dude, WTF are you on? or Dude, WTF! Just think of the several "WTF" moments Brett Farve has had when he has thrown the interception that hand delivered a win to the opposing team, or when you walk into Walmart and see big, fat, hairy, white Waltmart Guy in a t-shirt that says, "Please, Don't Just Use Me For My Big Dick." WTF can also be subtituted with Who/When/Where/Why, and How; just add the "TF" like this; Who-tf, or How-tf etc..

We experience WTF moments everyday, and when it happens to me it just feels good to say WTF! or WTF? For instance when the idiot who speeds up to pass me and then slows to 45 miles per hour on the freeway during rush hour, I simply say "Dude, WTF?" or when the Barista who no matter how many times Monday-Friday I order the same drink, (Ice Cafe Americano with vanilla and a shot of espresso), never and I mean NEVER remembers the vanilla, I say "Biotch, WTF!" It just feels good, don't know why but it does. Anyhoo, last Friday night/Saturday morning I was channel surfing in yet another state of insomnia, and I caught a wave on TV-Land. The show, High School Reunion, was just beginning so I decided to watch it because WTF! I can't sleep, and the high school being profiled is Chaparral High School, located in Las Vegas, Nevada, my hometown. WTF! I'll admit I was a bit giddy.

For those of you who are not familiar with the show allow me to bring you up to speed. The gist of the show is this, twenty years after graduation, 16 classmates from Chaparral High School's, Class of '89 reunite on the Hawaiian island of Kauai for two weeks to relive their high school glory days. The Football Star, The Ladies Man, The Nerd, The Gay Guy, The Cheerleaders, and the Hot Chicks,(who are known to everyone as "The Summer Girls"), all come together to see how much or how little things have changed in twenty years; old rivalries still hate each other, old flames seem to still have a spark for each other, and The Gay Guy outs himself to his childhood bully in the middle of nowhere, and on railroad tracks. WTF? Ahhhh, all the elements needed to put me to sleep because WTF this show is going to be a piece of crap, right? Nope! Well yes, the show is a piece of crap, but it did not become my Ambien for the night. Let me explain.

So here I am in a state of insomnia watching High School Reunion on TV-Land at 1:00 AM, and the cast is being introduced, Joe, The Football Star, John, The Trouble Maker, Lissette, Summer Girl#1, Lori, Cheerleader#1, Tracy, The Party/School Spirit Girl, Antanus, The Ladies Man, Elena, Summer Girl #2, and Rachelle, The Late Bloomer. All are assembled, and drinking themselves down memory lane when the last Black Ecalade pulls up, and a non-decrepit woman gets out and approaches the group of people she went to high school with twenty years ago. All are looking at her with "a Who-tf is she" look on their faces. The tipsy group ask among themselves, "Who is she, Do you know her, Is she at the right reunion?

WTF! This show is a piece of crap and it is doing what I thought it would; I'm getting sleepy, YES, come to momma sweet slumber, I'm ready. No! My sweet slumber is put off for the next hour when the non-decript woman, who is The Nerd, introduces herself to the group. "It's me, Cyndi Ellis" WTF! Now I'm wide awake, scrambling for the remote and my glasses; did I hear that right, did she say her name is Cyndi Ellis? Glasses on, volume high, and YES, OMG she did say Cyndi Ellis, and OMG, WTF! I KNOW HER, I KNOW CYNDI ELLIS! Yes, I know someone on a reality tv show, and WTF? This is not the only WTF Moment of the night for me. Near the end of the first episode, Cyndi reveals to camera that she has a secret that will blow the minds of her former classmates, in essence she has a secret that will give each a major WTF Moment. What is her secret you ask? Cyndi reveals to camera that at the age of 26 she became an exotic dancer in order to gain self confidence. WTF, Little Cyndi Ellis, the skinny and scrawny, crying, bed wetting step-cousin, who I used to play Charlies Angels with when I lived on Cinderella Lane, grew up to be a stripper? Now that is a WTF Moment, but not the last one of the day, that Little Cyndi Ellis brought me.

Saturday afternoon my sister, Coni, drops by for a visit. I don't know if I have ever mentioned Coni, my free-spirited sister who has a quirky sense of humor, just don't let her drink, she is on meds. So, Coni drops by for a visit and we chit-chat, drink wine, lots of wine, (Did I mention that you're not supposed to let Coni drink?), eat and look through family pictures. I came across one of me, Step-Mommy#1, and my Dad on their wedding day way back in '76. Coni and I are laughing so hard, tears are coming out of our eyes. I am wearing a long red dress with a high-neck lace collar; I look very Little House On The Prarie.

I then remember what I had seen on TV-Land duing my most recent fit of insomnia, and tell Coni that Little Cyndi Ellis grew up to be a stripper in order to gain more self confidence. Coni at first has a look of confusion on her face as she searches her memory of who-tf is Cyndi Ellis, then a sense of vague recognition crosses Coni's face, and she asks, "How-tf is Cyndi related to Step-Mommy#1? This is the way the rest of the conversation went:

Me: Cyndi Ellis is Step-Mommy#1 niece.

Coni: I never liked Step-Mommy#1

Me: I know, WTF?

Coni, Well, I just didn't like her and Dad was soooo stupid about her. I mean I don't know how he didn't know, and I am so glad they are divorced!

Me: What are you talking about, didn't know what?

Coni: Oh, come on, don't play dumb.

Me: Really, I don't know what you are talking about, so I'm not playing dumb, I just don't know.

Coni, Okay, I didn't like Step-Mommy#1 because she pretended to be something that she was not, and she had Dad, fooled.

Me: Like what? Come on, Coni!

Coni: You really don't know do you?

Me: No!

Coni: Back in the Rat-Pack days of Old Vegas, when Frank, Dino, Joey, and Sammy played the The Copa Room at The Sands Hotel, during the mid to late 60's when they were Hollywood and Vegas Royalty, Step-Mommy#1 was a high-class call girl who used to work that crowd.

Me: WTF, Coni! You know you are not supposed to mix booze with your meds. This is the last time I drink with you!

What's your WTF Moment?

Please note, I have no actual knowledge one way or the other if Step-Mommy#1 was a high class call girl who worked the Rat-Pack crowed, and nor does Coni, it is simply her drug induced opinion. What I do know is this, Coni never liked Step-Mommy #1, she does take meds, and she should never mix her meds with alcohol.

The girl in the picture is Cyndi Ellis.

Sunday Funny

2010-01-24T09:19:00.001-08:00

Sunday Funny

2010-01-17T10:18:00.001-08:00

Sunday Funny

2010-01-10T06:41:00.001-08:00

Facebook | Gabriel Campisi: A Very Different Christmas Poem

2009-12-13T08:26:00.000-08:00

Facebook Gabriel Campisi: A Very Different Christmas Poem: "gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter"

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T06:47:00.001-08:00

Eggs and Dog Farts; A Facebook Conversation

2009-11-18T10:35:00.000-08:00

Brice: Daisy, the black lab, just ate the scrambled eggs I dropped on the floor. She just farted and I think she killed the cat.

Mike: Give the cat some chili and let them fight it out! LOL

Charlie: You just found a way to solve your mouse problem.

Tommy, Or did you fart and kill the cat.

Brice: Whatever T.

Lynn: Egg farts = EWWWW. This happens to me when I eat deviled eggs, which is why I don't eat them.

Brice: Try running eggs through a black lag. GAWWWWD.

Jeff: Like shit passing a goose.

Michele: My Daisy does the same thing; must be a Daisy thing. Too funny, Brice.

Brice: Oh Michele, if it anything like my mutts I feel so sorry for you. This odor can peel paint off a wall.

Karen: Oh you guys, I love to fart. It is so exciting and I'm good at it as well!

Lynn: Are we all really having a FB conversation about farts?

Memphis

2009-11-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

Changes. As I have gotten older change has become more difficult. At the beginning of the year I had a lot of hope and belief that change would bring something better than what 2008 turned out to be, and now 11 months into 2009 the only change for me has been that things are worse than ever. I thought that turning 40 would be a gateway for something better, something more exciting...something different, but no, turning 40 has not been so magical for me. The honest to God's truth is I have been very unhappy for a couple of years now, and turning 40 has nothing to do with my current state of mind because age is only a number.

I have come to the realization that I am drowning in a state of some kind of sadness that will not go away until I get to a place that has a support system for me. A hurricane of sadness with the power and force of Katrina hit me hard in August after my sister Debbie came to visit for a few days. When Debbie left I was so sad, and it was then that I realized how much I missed being with family. The past two months have been wrought with more sadness that continues to strengthen each day, and on the few good days that I have had, I still feel like I have lost my mind. By the grace of God I have a great family, and although I have not been around so much for the past 13 effing years my family is still there for me. I'm making a change. The condo goes on the market this week, and I'm moving to Memphis as soon as possible.

Worst Parents In America!

2009-10-19T16:47:00.000-07:00

These people are horrible!

Sunday Funny

2009-10-11T05:49:00.001-07:00

OMFG! I WORKED WITH THIS GUY...BLOWS MY MIND!

2009-10-05T16:28:00.001-07:00

Click on the green!

Los Angeles Man Charged With Posing as Fertility Doctor In Order to Molest Sperm Donors - Local News News Articles National News US News - FOXNews.com

One never knows...I never in a million years would have thought that Jeff would do something like this.

Freedom To Blog And A Sunday Funny

2009-09-27T07:48:00.000-07:00

Recently a friend from bloggie world felt that he had to take down his blog due to some anonymous idiot who contacted his supervisor to complain about some of the blogs content. Now mind you, the blog was in no way degrading, offensive or foul. The blog was funny and held a tremendous amount of fantastic writing. With a click of the delete button the old blog is now gone, but a new one has taken it's place. The new blog is already full with fantastic writing, and will offer more belly aching laughs; still it p's me off that the old one is gone.

To my followers, if you are looking for a well put together blog, and if you value the freedom to blog, check out and follow this Knucklehead.

Hats off to the man behind Knucklehead, he is the perfect example of how not to argue with an idiot, but to carry on and do so with humor in the face of ignorance and stupidity.

Kings Firecracker Jump Rope Team-AWESOME

2009-09-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

One of my Facebook Friends posted a video of a jump rope team called KINGS FIRECRACER. Click here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2WK44cH2J0 to see why. These young women are AWESOME! This video is 8 minutes long...but sooooooo worth it. The jump rope routine gets better and better as it goes along. Get yourself a beverage, sit back, and enjoy it!

Smooches!

Pictues Of Debbie's Vist

2009-09-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago Debbie came out for a short visit. Thought I would share a few photos.

Sunday Funny

2009-09-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

At The Pentagon Memorial

2009-09-12T16:07:00.001-07:00

Sunday Funny

2009-09-06T05:33:00.001-07:00

Thanks For The Honest Scrap

2009-09-05T05:12:00.001-07:00

Thank you to Chrissy over at I Shoulda Been A Stripper for "The Honest Scrap Award".

Chrissy is one witty funny writer and if she had not bestowed this award upon me, I would have sent it to her if I had received it first. You must read her blog, and if you don't, you suck!

Here are the rules for this award:

1. “The Honest Scrap” award is not one to hold all to your self but it must be shared!

2. The recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves in their blog that no one else knows.

3. The recipient has to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers.

4. Those 10 bloggers all have to be notified they have been given this award.

5. Those 10 bloggers should link back to the blog that awarded them.

Here are my 10 true things about me that I don't think people know, but perhaps they do because I am such a Chatty-Kathy.

1. I come from a family of beautiful feet. My mom, my Aunt Jean, all of my sisters, me, my two nieces and my great-niece all have beautiful feet. My sister Connie has the most beautiful feet, but mine are a VERY close second.

2. I am allergic to bubble bath. It breaks me out and when I pee, it burns!

3. I'm delusional about my height...I know my medical records and my drivers licence indicate that I am 5'2', but In my head, where I tend to live from time to time, I'm 5'10'.

4. I lost my virginity on a Sunday, after Sunday School.

5. I went skydiving once, not because I wanted to, nooooo, I did it to impress some guy that I had a crush on.

6. Deep down inside, I'm a country girl who was raised by a Southern Lady, and I would love to pack it all in, move to the country and live a life where it's okay to porch sit, take nature in, and sip sweet tea.

7. I'm a bit superstitious. I don't ever want to get on the bad side of someone who messes with Voodoo.

8. Math has always been really hard for me. In Jr-high school right before my third period math class, I would get really bad headaches and I would throw up due to the fear I felt for the on-coming embarrassment of being called out on a math problem that I knew I could not calculate. Oh, the flash back is bringing on a headache now.

9. I don't like being in crowds.

10. I hate flying, I hate everything about flying! I would prefer to travel by train or car.

The 10 Recipients are:

Funny In The Hood

The Surly Writer

What I Should Have Said

Did I say That Out Loud

Fat Girl Goes Fit

Eternally Distracted

What Was That Now

Little Ms Blogger

How To Become A Cat Lady

Living Dead Nurses Psycho Ward

Hope you enjoy these blogs.

Thank you again Chrissy!

Sunday Funny

2009-08-30T05:16:00.001-07:00

I Got A Bowling Prize

2009-08-26T14:00:00.000-07:00

Each year the company I work for sets aside a day to have a Regional Property Manager meeting where PM's and RPM's get to let off a little steam and have some fun. Today was the day that was set aside for some fun and we went bowling, and I won! Take a look at what I won. The prize is so useful and I will use it EVERYDAY!

I got the lowest score out of 63 people who bowled today. I won this prize because I stink at bowling! I scored 59 my first game and 50 in the second game....and I did get one strike! It's the little things that put a smile on my face.

Little House On The Prairie

2009-08-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid I was a Little House On The Prairie freak. I lived, breathed, ate, and slept all things Little House. For those of you who don't remember or those who have chosen to forget, Little House On The Prairie was a long running television drama based upon the "Little House" book series by Laura Ingalls Wilder. The books and television series follow the lives of the simple farming Ingalls family during the late 1800's.

Who would have thought that a television series about the difficulties of those who lived a "prairie" life would have a successful run of nine years; from 1974-1983 in which the Ingalls family faced the challenges of Indians, weather, loneliness, and Nellie Olson. Other than Laura, Nellie was my favorite character, I could not get enough of the girl fights between Laura and Nellie. Click here to see the best ever! Every week, I watched the show faithfully and wondered what trouble Half Pint would find herself in after she kicked Nellie's spoiled ass, but I digress, let me get back to how I lived breathed, slept and ate nothing but Little House. This is how bad it was:

1. I had a Little House lunch box, but didn't use it, (more on that later)

2. I had a Little House sleeping bag that I slept in every night, and did so on the floor in order to get in touch with my concept of what a hard prairie life was like.

3. I refused to answer to any name but Laura for about six months....I drove my mother crazy with this one. My first grade teacher actually thought I had a mental disorder.

4. As a follow up to #3, I addressed and refereed to my sister Debbie as Nellie. Oh, did she love this when I was in my "prairie" mood and did this when her jr-high school friends were around. I got my ass kicked a lot for this one.

5. I would only eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a red, it had to be red apple, and a carton of milk for lunch when I went to school. Why? I don't know other than this is what I thought a "prairie" lunch consisted of.

The worst and what I mean as the most embarrassing thing I did in order to show my devotion to my favorite television show was......I wore my hair in braids all the time, I never took my braids out, and I wore a yellow flowered bonnet to school, and I carried my lunch not in my Little House lunch box, but noooooo I carried my lunch in a metal bucket just like Laura and Mary did. Oh, and to really embarrass my sister "Nellie" I used to don the bonnet and skip behind her and her friends when she was trying to be all cool and the leader of the pack while we all walked home from school.

I was a real piece of work as a kid; kind of funny too.

Check out the following clips of Little House moments and a tribute to Laura Ingaless Laugh Lines, Outtakes, A Tribute to Laura Ingalls Wilder, Real People Of Laura' s Time, Nellie being the bitch that she is

I loved Little House and still love it! I have seen every episode and I have read every one of the books in the series, and to this day when I am channel surfing and come across an episode, I stop, make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, don my bonnet, and enjoy the show.

Sunday Funny

2009-08-23T06:22:00.000-07:00

Short Story Part 1-Moving Out And Moving On

2009-08-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

Ally turned the key and the heavy engine of the U-Haul truck turned over just like her heavier heart did as she thought about the life she was leaving, and the one in front of her; the one yet to be defined, the one without Patrick. Ally was moving, moving away from a broken heart, and as she maneuvered the U-Haul through the historic streets of Georgetown, both the truck and her heart labored, and limped towards her new home. The new home, the basement of a historic mansion that had been converted into what the realtor called, an English Basement Apartment, was cold, dark, a bit dingy, and more than a little damp...it fit Ally's mood perfectly. The bedroom was small and had not a single window. The kitchen was functional with a gas range, frost free refrigerator, built in microwave, a few cabinets and drawers, and just enough room for a bistro style table set to be placed in front of a window that had been painted shut,but it looked out to her private patio. The living room was of average size and would accommodate the sofa, chase, various antiques, and paintings that Patrick out of guilt allowed Ally to take. The bathroom was the prize, the blue-ribbon of the English Garden, and it was the one room that committed Ally take it on the spot. The bathroom was larger than the bedroom, and it's French Doors lead out to a private patio. The bathroom was an odd place to have an exit to the patio, but the patio was completely private and gorgeous with various spring flowers in planters, and a sitting area to relax in. The bathroom and the patio attached to it would allow Ally the solace that her broken and pounding heart needed, she would be able to stretch into her pain, awash in a bath of red in the porcelain claw-footed tub that could be her long wide coffin, and deep enough to drown in if she lost her nerve with the razor. Ally was melodramatic and bitter in her self-pitying state of mind.

Where Ally was in her current state of mind was as bad as it had ever been. There had other breakups, but most of the time it was Ally who did the heartbreaking, this was the first time her heart was broken, and it broke in two places; two people she loved had betrayed her. Patrick, the man she loved and her best friend Ros. When she first found out Ally hoped that Patrick and Ros had just had a quick fling, a quick let's never do this again, one night stand. No, the lust between Patrick and Ros turned into a relationship and it was good-by Ally, hello new life without you.

Ally blamed herself, she blamed Patrick, and she blamed Ros for where she was in her life; alone in a dark and dingy apartment. Mostly though, she blamed herself....her plans for the future with Patrick were too-grand; plans of marriage, children, and a lovely home in the burbs. The big city job needed to finance said marriage, children and lovely home in the burbs was too much pressure for Patrick. The plans, the promises, and the maybes soon overtook the relationship, and hostility and bitterness set in for both Ally and Patrick. Weeks of silence between the two turned into months of silence, late work nights and a sexless relationship. Ally became depressed and Patrick became angry and aloof, and he left the relationship before it was over embarking upon another one in order to escape. Ally could understand some of the reasons why Patrick left the relationship, but what she could not grasp was who Patrick left her for; her best friend Ros. How could they do this to her? Ros was not so different from her; Ros wanted the same things she did; marriage, children, love, so what was the attraction, why did Ros have to be the escape for Patrick, why did Ally lose two people that she loved? This heartbreak felt worse than death and this is why Ally thought death wouldn't be so bad, but to actually slit her wrists was too messy and to drown herself, well just how the hell was she supposed to do this? Put head underwater and what, not come up for air when needed? To love and be loved again would be great, and suicide was not a real option, so ordinary old self-pity which feasted on Sushi, Pizza, and Mexican food would do just fine for the moment.

After six months of living alone, Ally 30 pounds heavier, managed to pull herself out of bed on a Saturday morning to work her way through Sushi take out cartons, piled up old and unopened mail, dirty laundry, and unpacked boxes, Ally stubbed her toe on one of the unpacked boxes and decided then and there that she had had enough of the self-pity party, and the first thing she did was force the crank of the painted shut kitchen window to open, and as the crank turned and squeaked and then gave way, the sun and the breeze from the patio touched her face, and her heart began to give way too. Ally then ran herself a proper bath, hot with lavender and candles, and made herself a cup of tea. She slid her body into the welcoming water and allowed the hot water with the aroma of lavender to wash away the stink of pity. She had loved Patrick, but after six months without him she realised that she didn't really know who he was, so did she really know herself, and did Patrick know who he was? Her love was not enough to change who she and Patrick were together, so along with the stink of pity Ally washed away her heartbreak, she washed away her old life, she looked to the future, and could see a happy life without Patrick.

Sunday Funnies

2009-08-16T05:27:00.001-07:00

New Neighbor And A Baby Is On The Way!

2009-08-15T13:13:00.000-07:00

I met my new neighbor! So far so good. Much better than the rude piece of work who used to live across the hall from me with her meanness and bad manners. My new neighbor has a dog, and y'all know how much I love dogs; jackpot! Friendly and with a dog....Oh Yippee!

So the new neighbor's name is Carrie and she moved in last weekend, she is from Philly, and her dog's name is Trevor; a very sweet Pug. I met Carrie the other day as I walked down the stairs to check the mail; Carrie was at the mailboxes checking her mail, and when she saw me she actually spoke first with a friendly hello and a welcomed hand shake, again sooooo very different than the rude piece of work who used to be my neighbor. Thank God, the building now has nothing but nice people, and we have another dog; 7 dogs in all...LOVE IT!

So now about the baby that is due in April. (Pause) No, not me. My APM and his wife are expecting. This is how he told me.

Wednesday afternoon, APM: Hey, I have a doctors appointment that I need to go to on Friday, with Rental Diva off, will you be okay in the office alone for an hour or two...I know it gets busy, but I really kind of have to go to this appointment.

Me: No problem, is everything okay?

APM: Yeah, it's all good, I just need to be at this doctors appointment.

Me: No worries..take all the time you need.

Friday Afternoon after the APM gets back from the doctor's appointment: Walks in with a bag from McDonalds...big smile on face. APM proceeds to his office, and starts to eat lunch but can't finish it. APM leaves lunch and comes out into the main lobby area, and stands in front of the desk that I am sitting at and says: I heard my baby's heart beat today and saw a picture of it....It's the size of a peanut and it already looks like me; my kid is HOT! It was really cool. I'm a Daddy!

The joy, excitement, and the pride I saw on my APM's face brought tears to my eyes. I would pay every last dime I have to see that look again...truly priceless! I have tears in my eyes now....need to stop; I really don't want the world to know what a softy I am.

Congrats to my APM and his wife.....What a lucky baby! My APM is going to be a very good Daddy!

Sunday Funnies

2009-08-09T06:04:00.000-07:00

The Breakfast Club

2009-08-07T15:28:00.000-07:00

My favorite John Hughes movie is The Breakfast Club. I can't think of high school and not think of this movie. I remember the day I saw it for the first time...I identified with both The Beauty and The Recluse, and I dated The Jock, The Brain had a major crush on me, but I always wanted to be with The Rebel.

Take a peek here for a wonderful tribute to John Hughes....Very cool, she was a teenager, and she was his pen pal.

So Stupid I Had To Laugh And One Cute Little Boy

2009-08-06T16:25:00.000-07:00

I work with the public, and as such I often hear stupid things come out out of the mouths of what I know to be intelligent people, and I often witness behavior that is appalling and stupid from same intelligent people.

This past week I have heard things come out the the mouths of adults that was so stupid my only way of dealing with it was to laugh. Had I not found it funny, I would be in the nut-house by now.

To avoid privacy issues the names, other than my own, of those involved have been changed in the following. Everything else is true, true, true.

Monday 9:30 AM, Rental Diva: Hey Boss, Piro is on the phone for you, she wants to know about her grill.

Me: Huh? Hello, this is Lynn, how can I assist you?

Piro: Hi Lynn, I just wanted to let you know that I got your letter about my grill, I can't have it on my patio, right? Well, I have moved it inside, but when I grill inside it gets all smokey and the carbon dioxide detector goes off. Can you please send maintenance over to disconnect the carbon dioxide detector for me? I would do it myself but I am too short, and I can't reach it.

Tuesday 2:00 PM, Deputy Jr. Sheriff, otherwise known and my APM: Hey, check it out, Mr. 7K is on the phone.

Me: Hello Mr. 7K, thank you for returning my call.

Mr. 7k: Hi. Yeah, I know why you're callin.

Me: You do?

Mr. 7K: U-huh, you're callin bout my rent. I know you've been patient with me, and I preciate it. I'm gonna pay you on Wednesday. I have a family trust fund that I can access, I just need to call my bro and ask him release the funds to me. I really did not want to have to do this, but I got a court order on my door yesterday, and dawg I really don't want to get evicted, and have all my shit put on the curb.

Me: Really? Well, thank your Mr. 7K, I appreciate that you will pay your rent on Wednesday. Would you like for me to look up your account and give you your total balance?

Mr 7K: Hola!

Me: Okay, Mr 7K, including all late fees and your water/sewer charges your total comes to $7384.59 in certified funds. We are open until 6:00PM on Wednesday, what time do you think you can come in to clear your account?

Mr. 7K: Um, Fo-Real, you gonna do me like that, you want certified funds, like a money order or somin? YOU CAN'T TAKE MY CHECK? FUCK YOU, BITCH!

Me, after Mr. 7K has hung up: Hola at ya back, Fo Sho!

Today 4:PM, Okay this exchange was not stupid but really cute.

Cute Little Boy: Mommy, I like it here, do it mommy, I want to live here.

Mommy to Cute Little Boy: Why do you like it here?

Cute Little Boy: Cuz, I got a Pop Sickle and the pretty ladies who work here have big boobies.

Sunday Funnies

2009-08-02T06:15:00.001-07:00

What's In A Name?

2009-08-01T06:55:00.000-07:00

What's in a name? Do the names parents give to children matter, and is one's name related to how popular, successful, or happy he or she will be in life? There are studies out there that say yes and no; I'm not sure what to think about it, so does it really matter? Anyhoo , I recently came across an article which listed the most popular boy and girl names of 2009, and in no particular rating order, these are the good ones on the list.

Boy Names/ Girl Names

Aiden Abigail

Caleb Ava

Gavin Bella

Jacob Ella

Luke Grace

Owen Lucy

When I look at this list, I am reminded at how boring my name is...Lynn, four letters and only one syllable, and no real vowel, Blah! How I got my name is very uninteresting...let's just say that after three girls, my parents were positive that their late in life baby would be a boy and that his name would be Thomas. Huh! Surprise, another girl and no girl names had been picked out so my parents left it to my three older siblings, Connie Gail, 15, Brenda Jo, 14, and Deborah Ann, 8. The only requirement dad had was that Lynn had to be a part of the name. Marilyn and Jacklyn were batted around, by Connie, Brenda, and Debbie but these were vetoed because dad did not want any daughter of his named Marilyn Malone...Too close to Monroe and dad thought that Ms. Monroe was a hussy, and with Jacklyn dad was worried that it would be shorted to Jack or Jackie, and he did not want his girl child to have a boy's name.

I was four days old before I had been christened with my full name, and my oldest sister Connie, finally come up, I mean created a crazy French name that all could agree to bestow upon me. Re'Jean, (crazy made up French name), is my first name, and to keep with dad's one requirement, Connie tagged Lynn behind it for my middle name.

Dad was not thrilled with the crazy made up French name but he gave the okay just as long as it was agreed by all that my middle name Lynn would be the name used, and that the crazy made up French name was only to be used for official government stuff, like when it was time to get my social security number, enroll in school etc. All agreed that the crazy made up French name was exotic and groovy, so mom put the crazy made up French name on my birth certificate to make it legal and official. To this day I say WTF....Why? I would have preferred almost any name then the crazy made up French name that Connie created after smoking a joint. Connie was 15 when I was born, a child of the 60's, and at the time we lived in Walnut Creek, California; not too far from San Fransisco so God only knows how she came up with Re'Jean. That must have been some joint...Thanks, Connie! I still love ya...but.....really!

With a hippie, pot smoking made up French name like Re'Jean it's no wonder that on several occasions during my childhood I lied to people as to what my name was. For instance on my first day of Kindergarten, when Ms. Nancy asked each student to stand and introduce themselves. I listened with envy to all the pretty names of my fellow female classmates. There was a Pamela Sue, a Susan Leigh, a Karen Ann, a Laura Jean, a Lisa Marie and an Elizabeth Joan....after hearing all of these pretty names I could not introduce myself as Re'Jean Lynn....Noooooway Jose! I wanted a name more beautiful than what I had or heard; I had to think quick....what would I say my name was? When it was finally my turn to introduce myself I proudly stood up and said, 'I'm Veronica Suzanne, but you can call me Vicky-Sue." Yep, that's affirmative, you can call me Vicky-Sue is what I said. Is this the only name I could have come up with? As if some red-necky/hill-billy girl name was better than a hippie, pot smoking made up French name? The mind of a five year old who hates her name...SCARY!

When you were a kid did you hate your name too, and did you ever want to change it? If so, what did you want your name to be?

BTW, when Connie had her children....she had stopped smoking pot, and she gave each a beautiful name!

Miscellaneous Stuff And A No Children Allowed Policy?

2009-07-26T07:31:00.000-07:00

I'm emotionally drained. My insomnia is so bad I now only get about 2 to 3 hours of sleep each night. I just want to feel normal again...whatever normal feels like.

My mom just got out of the hospital, again, after a three week stay. I must say my mom is the strongest person I know. Just in the past four years, she has had a kidney removed, has been on dialysis three times per week, has had her rectum stitched back into her body, several bouts of pneumonia, a bit of depression, and a staff infection which invaded a heart valve, her hip and lower back. That's a lot of sh^! for a person to go through, and my mom still manages to be a warm and funny lady. Oh...Love Her!

Work has been a bear. Very busy with inspections, and other stuff that saps my energy. However, one day this past week as I filed a letter that a resident wrote to complain about one of his neighbors, I came across a letter that he wrote in May of 1980. It made me laugh, and I felt a bit normal if only for a minute, and it felt good.

May 13, 1980

Dear Ms. Blume,

I hope this letter finds you in good health and I want to say that my wife Sarah and I appreciate all that you do to make us comfortable here at XYZ Apartment Community. However, my wife and I are in great distress over all of the children who live here. There are too many people who live here who have children, and we would find it much more comfortable to live here if you would evict the neighbors who live upstairs from us.

The little bastard who lives upstairs, I think his name is Johnny, and I think he is about 13 years old, is too unruly and vulgar. His mother has no control over him and he does whatever the hell he wants. Just yesterday evening while my lovely wife Sarah was out on the balcony watering her beautiful flowers Johnny and two other boys, one was a chink and the other was either black or Mexican were in the courtyard making too much noise as they ran around and played and laughed right under our balcony. My lovely wife Sarah scolded them and told them to shut up. The response Sarah got sent her to bed with a migraine. Do you want to know what those hellions did to my Sarah? After Sarah told them to shut the hell up, all three of them turned their backs on her, dropped their pants, grabbed their arses and shook it at her and then yelled, "Kiss it bitch."

My poor Sarah is ill and in bed due to the unruly behavior of our neighbors' son and his little friends.

When we first moved to XYZ Apartment Community in 1974, children were not allowed to live here, and then it changed after for a few years when a new manager came in, the one before you. That manager, I think her name was Ms. Patterson, changed all of the old policies and allowed people with children to move in, and she let all other sorts move in too. Sarah and I make one simple request, we are good renters, we pay our rent on time and we don't give you any trouble so we don't see why there should be a problem with meeting it. Can you please reinstate the no-children allowed policy of yesteryear and evict the neighbors who live upstairs from us? Sarah and I would be ever so grateful.

Sincerely,

Dr. C.

Some adults are ignorant, but kids are always funny! Personally, I hear music when a child laughs while at play.

Sunday Funnies

2009-07-26T07:01:00.000-07:00

Sunday Funnies

2009-07-19T05:19:00.001-07:00

Love At First Cut And I Want A Pixie

2009-07-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

Paulette is my hairstylist and I love her. No, not in the romantic kind of way, but in the" this chick really knows how to cut my hair and she never screws me over, and I will never cheat on her by having someone else cut my hair kind of way".

I have somewhat curly to very wavy hair with few cork-screw kinks in very weird places, and I have a lot of it, so my hair is not easy to cut. Thus, it takes someone with real talent to cut my hair correctly; meaning after the cut I won't need support group therapy; "Hello my name is Lynn", "Hello, Lynn".

Paulette has real talent and she has morals that all hairstylist should encompass. For instance Paulette will never encourage a client to get a cut or color when it is not needed. And if you sit in her chair and ask her to cut or color your hair in a style and color that won't work for you, she won't do it. Her motto is, I won't do stupid shit to you, so don't ask.

Like a lot of women, I have had some bad experiences with hairstylist. My first memory is when I was about eight. Money was tight when I was a kid and my parents did not have much for extras so in order to save money my mom took me to the beauty school and allowed one of the students to cut my hair. We went on a Saturday and all cuts that day were free. Picture this, A FRIGGING DOROTHY HAMILL CURLY BOWL CUT! I gave my penny-pinching mama a trauma-drama fit. I cried for days! For two years, I refused to allow anyone but myself cut my hair, and I did it with nail scissors, you know the curved kind? I was delusional, I thought I did a great job. Have you ever seen curly bangs cut with nail scissors? Not a pretty sight.

When I was fifteen I went to my first professional hairstylist, Sheryl. Sheryl was fabulous, she gave me so many great cuts and dyed my hair so many cool colors, and she never once lectured me on using 2 parts peroxide to 1 part water on my hair to lighten it; she would just sigh and cut the damage off. I once had her dye just my bangs blue. I don't know why...I think I thought it would look cool, but it just looked dumb. Sheryl cut my hair for 12 years and she would probably still be my stylist had I not moved from Vegas.

When I first moved to Virginia, I had a terrible time finding a stylist who could cut my hair, and after being here for about 8 years I found Teresa. Teresa was a beautiful and fun loving lady who had a real zest for life, and she could cut some great looking hair. Sadly, Teresa suddenly died on her birthday about 4 years ago....and this is why I now go to Paulette. Can I just say for the record, that getting a phone call in the middle of the night from someone you don't know telling you that your hairstylist died on her birthday, is a very traumatic experience. Teresa had just cut my hair on the previous Saturday, and she was so full of life, so happy, and fulfilled. I digress...Still gets to me; I was very fond of Teresa.

After Teresa died, It took me about a year to find Paulette and when I first went to her she had a real mess to clean up. Let's just say my hair was in bad shape. Paulette was very honest with me and said, "I can cut little by little every 4 to 6 weeks, or I can cut three inches now and save you some money, and your hair will look better than it does now." This kind of direct confidence gave me the push I needed so I let her cut three inches off of my curly to very wavy hair....After my hair dried it looked more like five inches had been cut off, and it looked FABULOUS! I had a curly to very wavy, raven colored bed heady bob; CAN YOU SAY SEXY! From the first cut, I was in love with Paulette.

Recently, I've been feeling like I've been in a style rut so I have been putting a lot of thought into some kind of change. Any kind of change, I just want a change. I have been looking through a few magazines hoping to find the change I want, and last night I came across a retro picture of the 60's icon fashion model Twiggy, and I squealed, "This is it, this is the change I have been looking for, and the change that I want; only bolder!" At 8:00 AM this morning I sat in Paulette's chair and proclaimed,"I want something neeeew, I'm tired of this mess that I want to call hair, and I want to be a bold version of blond when I leave, so I'm thinking, Platinum Pixie; Twiggy Style". Paulette looked at me and said, "I won't do stupid shit to you, so don't ask."

Good hairstylist are hard to find, great ones with morals are even harder. I am a lucky lady to have found Paulette, very lucky!

The next time I see Paulette, in about five weeks, I'm going to show her the picture at the top of this post, and ask for a version of this pixie cut. The lady in the picture has a round face like mine and the hair color is closer to what mine is, so she might agree. I know Paulette will never do anything close to any version of blond on me, but she may do a version of this pixie. Whadda ya'll think? Pixie or No Pixie?

TGIF

2009-07-17T03:47:00.000-07:00

Sunday Funnies

2009-07-12T06:35:00.000-07:00

Betsy Wetsy And A Little Girl Named Nosey

2009-07-11T09:42:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid I had a nickname that was only used by my family. Well actually, I had two, and one was Lucy. I don't know why I was given this nickname but my best guess is that one day my mother in fits of exasperation over something that I had done could not remember my real name and just said whatever name came to mind, and Lucy was what popped in her head, and it stuck. From the time that I was about four years old and even until today, my mom will still call me or refer to me as Lucy; when she does this I answer and the family knows who she is referring to. I often wonder if this is where I got the name for my dog, Lucy? I digress, anyhoo, my other nickname and how I got it is more interesting.

Here is the story of how Nosey was born. It all started when I was about five years old and my mom needed to get me out of the house so she could wrap my sister Debbie' s and my Christmas presents. My mom enlisted my dad with the task of getting me out of the house for an hour so that Christmas could be wrapped up and tied with pretty bows. Ever the cleaver guy, my dad, one Saturday morning told me he he really needed my help with a very important chore but he was worried that I might not be smart enough to help. Really? Me, not smart enough to help; Yeah right! Here is a bit of the exchange between me and my dad.

Dad: Hey Lucy ya wanna help your ole dad out?

Me: Sure Daddy.

Dad: Well, I don't know if you can, I'm not sure if you're smart enough.

Me: Yes I am, yes I am, Daddy plez leme elp you.

Dad: Okay, but first I need to know if you know your ABC's

Me: U-huh I know em, I can mber them; A, B, C, D, L M, O, P, F Q, U, Y, Z,

Dad: Well, that's pretty good, but I don't know, you seem to be missing a few letters.

Me: Oh Daddy, plez, plez, plez leme elp.

Dad: Okay. This is what I need you to do for your ole dad, see all these tools, I need you to put them in the shed for me, and I need you to put them on the shelves in A, B, C order. Understand?

Me: U-huh...I put the hammer on the shelf first, then I put the box of nails on the shelf, and then...

Dad: You got it, now finish this up and come get me when you are done; I'll be over there at the pool cleaning it.

I eagerly set to the task of arranging my dad's tools alphabetically, and was quite proud of myself; hammer, box of nails, some screws, and oh wait what's this?.....A big box wrapped in pretty Christmas paper and tied with a bow under the shelf. Hmmmm I thought, this must be for me. With all the excitement and anticipation of a five year old I opened the big pretty wrapped box; rather I tore into it and to my five year old hearts delight I found a Betsy Wetsy; this one had reddish hair kind of like my own, and she could pee after having water or milk poured into her mouth. I was soooooo excited, I had been wanting, begging, and praying for a Betsy Westy, and had even asked Santa for it when I sat on his lap. I jumped up and down and ran around in circles, and then ran to the pool to find my dad and to show him what I found....."Look Daddy, I found my Besty Wetsy that Santa brought".

You should have seen the look on my dad's face; a cross between holding back a fit of chuckles and trying to be serious. My dad, while trying not to bust up laughing came over and knelt down to me and said, "Sorry Lucy, this is not your Betsy Wetsy, she belongs to another little girl that I know. What? At that moment I had heard my daddy utter to most cruel words ever; "another little girl I know". I calmly asked; "What other little girl, Daddy?" I'm the only little girl you know, so who does MY Betsy Wetsy belong to? After what seemed like forever, my dad looked at me and said....."She belongs to a little girl named Nosey".

On Christmas morning that year I opened the last of the presents, the one that was in a big box and wrapped with a pretty bow, and it was from Santa. To my delightful and honest surprise I found beneath the pretty wrapping paper my very own Betsy Wetsy. I looked at my dad and squealed with little girl excitement, "Look Daddy, a Betsy Wetsy just like Nosey's!

For years, at least until I was 11, I believed that there was another little girl that my dad knew who's name was Nosey....It took a long time for me to figure out that I was Nosey. I was such a gullible kid! Sweet natured, but gullible.

Love My Friends Award...For Me?

2009-07-07T16:39:00.000-07:00

I love getting awards and I just got a nice one from Nancy from f8hasit. I am so honored to have this award bestowed upon me. Thank you, Nancy....

The Love My Friends Award is given to those bloggers who aspire, inspire, and share the most beautiful of human attributes; art, wisdom and friendship. Deliver this to eight friends who must deliver it eight more.

There are so many good blogs out there and I have such a hard time picking, but here goes and in no particular order.....

1. Ron over at Vent. You must check out this blog! You are missing great writing and a funny read by passing it up!

2. The Story Of Us. LaDawn is the mother of 3 beautiful boys and we went to school together. I love her blog because when she puts something up it comes from a the great love that she has for her family.

3. Sassy Sasha Written from the point of view of an adorable Shih Tzu. This blog always puts a smile on my face.

4. This next one comes from a Screwed Up Texan who uses her blog to post "chapters" of a book she has written on her life. An honest, compelling and at times heart-breaking read.

5. Mr. McKnob is next. I just like his stuff...he's funny!

6. This next one is a good one; a cool chick who I would have wanted to be friends with in high-school. Take a peek at Smart Mouth Broad for one cool chick!

7. I love to read so I am always looking for a good book. When I don't know what book to invest time in, I check out Suzanne over at Chick With Books. She always has such great reviews and great give-a-ways. Next time you want a good book to read but don't know where to look, check out Chick With Books.

8. Last but not least, if you want a bitchy read, check out Selectively Bitchy....The name says it all, you just have to take a peek to get it.

Sunday Funnies

2009-07-05T05:39:00.001-07:00

Happy 4th Of July From Lucy and Ellie-Mae

2009-07-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Day!

2009-07-03T07:50:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful day! Started off with trip to Caribou Coffee for a cold press with a shot of espresso and then vanilla with half and half. Next came a nice dog walk, the weather is divine today by the way, and the three of us met up with other dogs in the neighbourhood for a couple of impromptu dogie play dates. After we got home, Lucy and Ellie were tired so they each took a nap on the balcony. This is Lucy; she has such a pretty face!

Had lunch with CC Harmony from RealityBites and we went to one of our favorites restaurants in Shirlington, Carlyle, and we both had the Sesame Seared Ahi Tuna Salad on a bed of fresh greens with sticky rice and a lime vinaigrette dressing....Yum. But that wasn't the end of it...somehow, not sure how she did it, but CC twisted my arm into splitting a Mixed-Berry Shortcake with real whip cream and vanilla ice cream on the side for dessert. OMG, I LOVED

IT! I'm really not a shortcake kind of dessert person, but WOW!

Looks like we might get a summer rain storm in, the kind when the sky goes dark and then there is a loud clap of thunder and the sky lights up with streaks of lightning...Oh! I love these kinds of storms. I'm the kind of person who is drawn outside, and I like to stand in the middle of a storm to watch and listen to the awesome power of nature while I get soaking wet from a warm down-pour.

The best part about today; my rude ass neighbour from across the hall has moved...Yes! Rude Sarah is outta here.

It's the simple things in life that make me happy; good coffee, my dogs, nice walks, sharing good food with a good friend, summer rain storms, and being rid of a nasty neighbour. Today has been a great day!

My Date With Donnie

2009-07-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

It was the summer of 1987 or 1988 because I remember that I was not old enough to drink, and I got carded at dinner. Anyhoo, it all started off innocently enough.

I was working at Dillard's in the Men's Department, the stores A/C had gone out and it was hotter than the other side of hell, and the the day was dragging. Things began to look up when a very good looking guy came into the department, and to the scorn and dirty looks/remarks of my colleague Raymond, "very good looking guy" who looked a lot like a younger and thinner Vince Vaughn with blue eyes, came right up to little ole me, and asked for my help in finding some cool shirts. Helping customers find shirts was part of my job, so I was too happy to do so. After two hours of helping "very good looking guy" find seven paisley printed shirts, all luscious 6' 2" him, he who had just enough muscle to make a girl and Raymond take notice, and he with his twinkling blue eyes which were set off by a mop of curly dark hair which was cut just short enough to show off his perfect jaw-line, looked at me and said, "My name is Donnie, go out with me; let me buy you a nice dinner." And Donnie asked me out within earshot of Raymond who had been buzzing around us and who was snorting, and eye rolling me to death; FUNNY!

I don't know why, but something at the very moment Donnie asked me out, made me feel an uh-oh feeling in my stomach, a warning bell went off in my head; a voice screamed, NO, do not go out with him. Warning bell be damned....Donnie was F.I.N.E. and he wanted to take me out, and the topper was it was galling Raymond; BONUS! I said yes, and Donnie and I exchanged numbers and agreed to meet for dinner the following Saturday night.

It's date night, and I am looking good dressed to the nines in my shiny rayon outfit and ankle length cowgirl boots; my hair is BIG and BUFF; Arnold would have been jealous if my hair were muscles; it looked that good. (Remember the year is 87/88 and this was when Arnold had big hard steroid induced muscles. That's kind of how my hair was; really big as if I had injected it with steroids kind of big.) At the appointed time, I met Donnie at Macyao Vegas, a long time local favorite Mexican restaurant. Donnie looked better than he did the day he bought seven paisley printed shirts; his eyes were sooo blue and he was wearing one of the paisley shirts with a pair of Levi Button Up 501's that showed off his a$$, and with a pair of cowboy boots, DAMN! And he smelled good too....he was wearing Men's Halston; now I was feeling hotter than the other side of hell; and I was thinking that I wanted more than dinner.

Donnie was the perfect gentleman, he greeted me with a kiss on the cheek, handed me a flower and had made previous arrangements with the hostess for a nice off to the side and in the back booth. Donnie commented on how nice I looked and he said he really liked my hair...I was digging it...Donnie looked good, and he was with me, and he was into me, and he let everyone around know it. Dinner and conversation was lovely as we sat hand in hand at a candle lit table, with the lights dim, and sexy George Michael music in the background; Let's Talk About Sex. The whole time I am thinking "jackpot" I did good....he is F.I.N.E. and he can put two words together. Whew-wee I was glad at that moment that I had ignored the warning bells. Then, as luck would have it, Donnie told me part of his life story and he started with the summer of 1981 when he was 21 years old; just old enough to get into bars legally.

As I enjoyed my Virgin Margaretta, and an Extra Spicy Steak Burrito with guacamole, Donnie told me about the night he got into a bar fight with some guy, and the guy died due to injuries from the fight. Yea, the guy died so what was it a bar fight or was it manslaughter? My guess is it was closer to manslaughter because Donnie spent five years in prison for what he described as a bar fight. While in prison, Donnie got himself into a "white-gang", and then got himself hooked on heroin. After he got himself "clean" and then after he "participated" in good-behavior Donnie got himself paroled; six months before our date. He was living with his mother who he said he hated and to top it off, Donnie thought his mother was a drunk and a whore.

I began to sweat bullets and I was cussing myself for not listening to the warning bells. What the eff was I gonna do; I had to get the hell out of there. I looked around and then I saw it, a way out; the flashing neon sign of the women's restroom. I calmly looked at Donnie across from the ever so romantic candle lit table and said, "I need to use the restroom." I gathered my purse and off I went. Once in the restroom I had to plan a final escape....I looked out the restroom door and I viewed the back of Donnie's mop-topped curly head, and then to the right of me and only about 200 feet was the kitchen door. I knew the kitchen had an exit due to fire codes, right? I bee lined it through the kitchen, not listening/hearing to the"What the fuck, you can't be in here, get the hell outta here, you crazy bitch." And so I did; I got the hell out of there.

Whew, once in my Ford Escort, I drove like a maniac. I four wheeled it over a couple of road medians and then flipped a bitch in the middle of the street in order to get away. I don't know what disturbed me more, the fight, the time spent in prison, the gang, the heroin, or the fact that he hated his mother and he thought that she was a whore...it was all bad and it scared the hell out of me, and from that night on I have always listened to warning bells.

The next day Raymond and I worked the same shift, and I was scheduled in the Men's Department. Poor Raymond, he could not help himself, he had to know, so he asked me how my date with Donnie went....I don't know what came over me, perhaps I was a bit evil...I looked Raymond in the face and I said with all sincerity, "We had hours of delicious sex, it was really good, and he is really big like my hair kind of big, and I'm going over to his apartment after work." Raymond just looked at me and said; "You bitch...I could have had him!" I just laughed as I wobbled away. Raymond didn't talk to me for days, but we did eventually kiss and make up.

I never did hear from Donnie again, but a few years after our date he was in the news for being in a gang fight, and when he was arrested the cops found a little bag of heroin in his pant pocket.

What is flipping a bitch? When driving, you flip a bitch when you make an illegal u-turn in the middle of the street; it' called a flipping a hairy bitch when you do this when there is on-coming traffic. Have you flipped a bitch lately? Tell me about it.

Sunday Funnies

2009-06-28T08:16:00.001-07:00