Where Ally was in her current state of mind was as bad as it had ever been. There had other breakups, but most of the time it was Ally who did the heartbreaking, this was the first time her heart was broken, and it broke in two places; two people she loved had betrayed her. Patrick, the man she loved and her best friend Ros. When she first found out Ally hoped that Patrick and Ros had just had a quick fling, a quick let's never do this again, one night stand. No, the lust between Patrick and Ros turned into a relationship and it was good-by Ally, hello new life without you.
Ally blamed herself, she blamed Patrick, and she blamed Ros for where she was in her life; alone in a dark and dingy apartment. Mostly though, she blamed herself....her plans for the future with Patrick were too-grand; plans of marriage, children, and a lovely home in the burbs. The big city job needed to finance said marriage, children and lovely home in the burbs was too much pressure for Patrick. The plans, the promises, and the maybes soon overtook the relationship, and hostility and bitterness set in for both Ally and Patrick. Weeks of silence between the two turned into months of silence, late work nights and a sexless relationship. Ally became depressed and Patrick became angry and aloof, and he left the relationship before it was over embarking upon another one in order to escape. Ally could understand some of the reasons why Patrick left the relationship, but what she could not grasp was who Patrick left her for; her best friend Ros. How could they do this to her? Ros was not so different from her; Ros wanted the same things she did; marriage, children, love, so what was the attraction, why did Ros have to be the escape for Patrick, why did Ally lose two people that she loved? This heartbreak felt worse than death and this is why Ally thought death wouldn't be so bad, but to actually slit her wrists was too messy and to drown herself, well just how the hell was she supposed to do this? Put head underwater and what, not come up for air when needed? To love and be loved again would be great, and suicide was not a real option, so ordinary old self-pity which feasted on Sushi, Pizza, and Mexican food would do just fine for the moment.
After six months of living alone, Ally 30 pounds heavier, managed to pull herself out of bed on a Saturday morning to work her way through Sushi take out cartons, piled up old and unopened mail, dirty laundry, and unpacked boxes, Ally stubbed her toe on one of the unpacked boxes and decided then and there that she had had enough of the self-pity party, and the first thing she did was force the crank of the painted shut kitchen window to open, and as the crank turned and squeaked and then gave way, the sun and the breeze from the patio touched her face, and her heart began to give way too. Ally then ran herself a proper bath, hot with lavender and candles, and made herself a cup of tea. She slid her body into the welcoming water and allowed the hot water with the aroma of lavender to wash away the stink of pity. She had loved Patrick, but after six months without him she realised that she didn't really know who he was, so did she really know herself, and did Patrick know who he was? Her love was not enough to change who she and Patrick were together, so along with the stink of pity Ally washed away her heartbreak, she washed away her old life, she looked to the future, and could see a happy life without Patrick.