This past week I have heard things come out the the mouths of adults that was so stupid my only way of dealing with it was to laugh. Had I not found it funny, I would be in the nut-house by now.
To avoid privacy issues the names, other than my own, of those involved have been changed in the following. Everything else is true, true, true.
Monday 9:30 AM, Rental Diva: Hey Boss, Piro is on the phone for you, she wants to know about her grill.
Me: Huh? Hello, this is Lynn, how can I assist you?
Piro: Hi Lynn, I just wanted to let you know that I got your letter about my grill, I can't have it on my patio, right? Well, I have moved it inside, but when I grill inside it gets all smokey and the carbon dioxide detector goes off. Can you please send maintenance over to disconnect the carbon dioxide detector for me? I would do it myself but I am too short, and I can't reach it.
Tuesday 2:00 PM, Deputy Jr. Sheriff, otherwise known and my APM: Hey, check it out, Mr. 7K is on the phone.
Me: Hello Mr. 7K, thank you for returning my call.
Mr. 7k: Hi. Yeah, I know why you're callin.
Me: You do?
Mr. 7K: U-huh, you're callin bout my rent. I know you've been patient with me, and I preciate it. I'm gonna pay you on Wednesday. I have a family trust fund that I can access, I just need to call my bro and ask him release the funds to me. I really did not want to have to do this, but I got a court order on my door yesterday, and dawg I really don't want to get evicted, and have all my shit put on the curb.
Me: Really? Well, thank your Mr. 7K, I appreciate that you will pay your rent on Wednesday. Would you like for me to look up your account and give you your total balance?
Mr 7K: Hola!
Me: Okay, Mr 7K, including all late fees and your water/sewer charges your total comes to $7384.59 in certified funds. We are open until 6:00PM on Wednesday, what time do you think you can come in to clear your account?
Mr. 7K: Um, Fo-Real, you gonna do me like that, you want certified funds, like a money order or somin? YOU CAN'T TAKE MY CHECK? FUCK YOU, BITCH!
Me, after Mr. 7K has hung up: Hola at ya back, Fo Sho!
Today 4:PM, Okay this exchange was not stupid but really cute.
Cute Little Boy: Mommy, I like it here, do it mommy, I want to live here.
Mommy to Cute Little Boy: Why do you like it here?
Cute Little Boy: Cuz, I got a Pop Sickle and the pretty ladies who work here have big boobies.