Changes. As I have gotten older change has become more difficult. At the beginning of the year I had a lot of hope and belief that change would bring something better than what 2008 turned out to be, and now 11 months into 2009 the only change for me has been that things are worse than ever. I thought that turning 40 would be a gateway for something better, something more exciting...something different, but no, turning 40 has not been so magical for me. The honest to God's truth is I have been very unhappy for a couple of years now, and turning 40 has nothing to do with my current state of mind because age is only a number.
I have come to the realization that I am drowning in a state of some kind of sadness that will not go away until I get to a place that has a support system for me. A hurricane of sadness with the power and force of Katrina hit me hard in August after my sister Debbie came to visit for a few days. When Debbie left I was so sad, and it was then that I realized how much I missed being with family. The past two months have been wrought with more sadness that continues to strengthen each day, and on the few good days that I have had, I still feel like I have lost my mind. By the grace of God I have a great family, and although I have not been around so much for the past 13 effing years my family is still there for me. I'm making a change. The condo goes on the market this week, and I'm moving to Memphis as soon as possible.